LIfestyle changes

Change is not always a good thing. I experienced this myself first hand. what does it mean to be influenced by something or someone? it means we are changing to become more and more like something or someone. its pretty scary. After spending a year in Penang and a year in KL, i noticed changes in myself (obviously) but those changes aren't necessarily good. at some point, i noticed that there are so little that i care about. so little lives that i wanna bother myself with. and thats a bad sign cause the day i stopped caring for others is the day i live for myself. I have become so selfish that even I cant recognize myself. the way I dress, the way i talk, the way i treat others have to change! There is nothing lacking in me but i kept feeling like there is something lacking. but the truth is, I have everything except PASSION. Passion is what drove Jesus to the cross. He has passion for you and me. I wanna be passionate about something. Something that i can indeed be proud of and be involved in and be happy and satisfied about. No amount of dresses or earrings can make up for that lost of passion. yes, they can disguise the emptiness for a while, but after everything seems old, I feel empty again. Passion to do everything that i once used to love doing. although sometimes it gets tiring, I should never give up the passion that I once lived for. the passion that drives me to get out of bed every day. the look in my eyes that even others can see is all driven by passion.

SO LIVE OUT THE PASSION!

Book review - Every teen girl's little pink book

Cathy Bartel really has a great idea of how to go about this. This was actually my sister's book, given to her by her angel at Grace Youth Camp several years ago. I thought it was really sweet of him to buy that book for her. and since its my sister's book I never took the initiative to read it. But today made a difference. As today i started fasting (be off the story books and movie spree till uni reopens) and so, i had more time and i took the thinnest book i can find to read. and so, i started with this book. this book really taught me a lot of things which were often overlooked. and after reading this book, I reflected and I was disappointed with myself of all the things I did before. From the every small thing to the biggest mistake I made. I felt convicted. and it is time to change. so, just a brief summary of what i got from this book.
PINK is always the colour which is dedicated to the girls. I hardly have anything pink as I always think its a bit too 'girly' for me. But now, I perceive this colour very differently. the reason being,
P - Pray: pray in every circumstance, pray in every season, pray every time of the day, pray before every conversation, pray before every lecture, pray before every drive etc. Pray without ceasing
I - Initiate: take initiatives to show others how grateful I am for them and how much I appreciate them
N - Note: It is important to note down things God placed in my heart, thoughts God put in my mind and promises He made to me
K - Keep: Keep His promises and His word close to my heart.

Although I am one year too old to be considered a teen, but this book tells me of how much my Father in heaven loves me. He loves me so much that He gave His son Jesus to die for me. its like an exchange. a trade. Jesus for me. I am so loved and i can always hold my head up high because I am a princess of the King of kings and Lord of the Most High. I am royalty. and so, i should behave like a princess. to carry myself well, be His salt and light, to be loved and to love, because He loves me just as much as He loves you.

sugar and spice and everything nice! 

Exercising ma faith

December is a month of joy, happiness and laughter. but for me, December is also another month for me to exercise my faith. Its christmas! and so, most f my money would be spent on gifts.

I am still gonna stick to my budget every month but with an additional thing to spend on. and so far, i have only RM 90 to last me till the 22nd of this month. i'm going back on 22nd Dec and so i'll only have to worry bout expenses till 22nd. So, i have already decided not to go for the Christmas + New year dinner, so RM 80 is safe!

I suddenly remembered the fact that i have yet to get Dr Jill a Christmas gift and so asked Joel to get her a wall calendar as he mentioned the calendars are quite hard to sell. Then after that, i remembered, i'm quite tight on cash this month. so, RM 30 dropping from the sky?? i dont think so. i just learned to trust in the Lord.

Suddenly an idea came to me to search my drawer again, although i remembered i dont have any cash left. btut i still did. hoping for a miracle to happen. and it did! i found $15! 15 sing dollars = more than RM30!
WOOOOOHHHOOOOOO!!! PRAISE THE LORD! yea.

EXERCISING MY FAITH!
:)

Delayed blog post of 10 Nov

Seniors – what would I do without them?

                Entering a new university with no seniors is something I can never empathize with, because I have the good chance of being the second batch with approximately 70 seniors doing their second year of medicine in Perdana university.

                Joel will of course be the first one I mention as he is the one I am closest with. Joel is a part of the student council and he is responsible, well-mannered, funny at times, and he is always of a great help to me. In Christian fellowship (CF) there is a mentor-mentee system which runs where a senior looks after a junior. At first when Juyinn, our vice president read out the mentor-mentee arrangements, I wasn’t really happy about getting Joel as my mentor cause we both look like we have totally different personalities and character. And I really didn’t know how on earth I can ever relate to a person like him. But after one incident, things took quite a tremendous turn.

                While waiting for the bus to set off to stadium UKM for the event ‘Relay For Life’ Joel waited in his car, hoping the bus would take off anytime between one second and another. I approached him out of courtesy asking him why his car isn’t carrying any passengers. He then invited me to ride with him if I want to, I immediately took up the offer and getting to know more about throughout the way was my reward J glad I made that move instead of following the bus. Since then, I spent most of my time with either Eunice or Joel. So, he was and still is, being a very good senior. He gave me a wrist band he got from the event, sent me to Klang (not exactly to Klang but almost) and passed me a few books to study and reference. Not to mention the few times he texted to ask if I’m doing okay and prayed for me when I was having my card-signing. He is really both helpful and encouraging to me. No doubt the senior I fancy the most. Jun Ning would come close. I’ll talk about her later. When they asked me who my favourite senior is, I didn’t even have to answer and they already knew Joel would be the name I utter.

                Jun Ning is my co-occupant of the beautiful apartment I’m staying in. haha. She is my housemate and she is really helpful. Penangites are mostly friendly and she just proved that statement true. She isn’t bossy or calculative and is very open to us juniors and she doesn’t mind us. On day one itself I got information about the course from her. She appears to me to be very diligent and at the same time has spare time for enjoyments. Being the only one left in her group to stay in greencoast proves that she is quite bold and independent. Thank God for such a senior and housemate. Initially I thought it would be good to have all juniors staying in one house like our neighbours, but soon after that, I realized with both Jun Ning and Fauziah as seniors staying with me, I am fortunate and blessed as I can ask them anything questions or queries I have. That is the blessing others didn’t manage to have a share of and I am really happy and glad and at the same time touched by the hand of God upon my life. He always knows what I need and will provide the best for me. He knows what I’ll be most contented with.

                I still have 4 years and 10 months to get to know more seniors. So my post about my seniors will take a short break here. More to come. Stay tuned! J

Delayed blog post of 9 Nov

So where to start? I’ll start with a few words of greetings. First and foremost, happy deepavali and happy holidays to my patient readers . Finished my last day of school yesterday and am on the way back to JB now for an almost-a-week break. You must be wondering why I didn’t rush home like everyone else yesterday, and hence let me enlighten you.

Yesterday was a Friday and as usual there was Christian Fellowship. Before the CF started, Eunice out of the blue said she didn’t wanna go to a pastor’s house tonight anymore. I didn’t ask much, I just nodded without contemplation. I guess she was home sick already and she might be worried that gathering at the pastor’s house might make her feel uncomfortable. So, I guess that was why. We had a clinical forum on colon cancer and right after that, we both followed Alex back to Cyberheights. On the way back to our serene and cosy hostel, I mentioned to Alex that Eunice wanted to follow him back so badly and Alex just said that she still can if she wants and if she doesn’t mind another 2 friends of his in the car. She was reluctant, but i pushed her to accept the offer because I knew that it was what she wanted. After hesitating for quite a while, she agreed.

And so, we went back and not long after that, Irene called to inform me of Joel’s arrival. After a short shower, we were all set to go! Joel, Irene, Bobby, Joshua are the few names you are going to see more often from now (I think) so, lets just put things very simply; they are my seniors and they are splendid!

We went to pastor’s house for dinner, met his family and I was more attracted to his youngest child, his daughter Joana for purposes I don’t know I just wished I could spend more time with her. Maybe I do like children after all.

Pastor and his family were very welcoming. They prepared a marvellous dinner J its was indeed delicious and he spent a great deal of time getting to know us and about our lives. Eagle Point church is a church like Praise Sanctuary, an environment I am very much familiar with as I spent my whole primary school life attending that church. But I would say that it isn’t very campus-friendly. I don’t know about Eagle point as I have never attended their services before but so far, ACTS has been the best experience for me and I believe with ACTS, there will be more to come. The atmosphere is a totally different feel than any church I have been before and I have faith that i will go to greater heights with ACTS! 

But the pastor of Eagle Point church is very open-minded as he asked us of our opinion about the church and about their services, which I couldn’t relate to as I have never attended their services. But this portrays the readiness of the pastor to make amendments according to what is best and I salute him for that.

After dinner, we went to Joel’s house to ‘change car’as they are travelling down to Port Dickson and Joel is gonna be driving. Wow. He is quite a good driver. He drives with suave. Such a big car! And yah, we met his parents. They were both very friendly. And maybe then that is why their son is also so well-mannered.

Shortly after that, we picked up Irene’s friend from Oldtown as she is also going to join them to Port Dickson. We chilled at ‘Come buy Cyberjaya’ for a while as both Chatime and Starbucks were closed. Joshua was craving for bubble tea since formatives (I still don’t understand why anyone would every crave for bubble tea) okay, maybe mine didn’t taste that good or maybe I am more of a coffee person. Starbucks still appeals more to me than bubble tea. After that, Joel parked his car at the clubhouse and we walked back to our respective apartments.

I realized Irene and Bobby are so funny and cute with Joshua joining in the picture and Joel co-existing to make the picture complete is quite a beautiful thing to see. They are all so happy and funny and with Joshua around I can assure you that its never gonna be boring. Bobby and Joshua will just make the perfect duo for a joker team. The most important thing is, they are all very frank with each other and they are all very straight forward. That is one thing I envy of them. I don’t have friends telling me what my weaknesses are, or correcting me for the errors I make. Some just tell me I have a problem and expect me to sort it out myself without telling me what my problem is. Friends like that just make me feel disappointed with myself, feel useless, feel dejected and no, none of that helps me become a better person. I guess its just the love of God touching lives that my seniors can be so direct, happy and at the same time fun! The group of seniors with everything they commit themselves to do.

                Yesterday was a good day, more like a good night. Thank you Lord for such opportunity J

                 

Medical School

Medical school is no joke. seriously, NO JOKE! i knew it was going to be hard, but i didnt expect it to be THIS hard! its intriguing to know what i dont know and thats whats killing me! and thats how i gave up wanting to know what i dont know. they say how medical students DONT have a life and YES! i am beginning to see that but somehow, my seniors manage to survive the first year having a life and second year, still having a life! going shopping, swimming and celebrating everyone's birthday by going out for dinners IS part and parcel of having a life! 

Maybe its just me and my mindset that has yet to acclimatize to this new and unfamiliar environment. and i know. a lotta things have to be changed. 

1. DONT bother what other people think of me (i am bothered by it so much that other people's comments and opinion are living my life for me!) 

2. Learn to say NO (the fear of disappointing others will just cause me bigger disappoinments to myself, cause as a result, i have to pay the price when my exam results get released) 

3. talk less, read more

Just had anatomy card-signing (practical examination)  a few days ago. and it was BAD! like, seriously BAD! i said it was BAD not because it was conducted badly, but because i realized i havent been spending enough time with the skeleton models. i spent most of my time allocated for anatomy with Netter (name of the Anatomy atlas by the way) than with the skeleton himself! and i'm sure u can guess what happened during the card-signing. i  was dumbfounded. as predicted. Felt like i just lost a big piece of myself. and its depressing. 

Dealing with people here are one of the worst and the last i thought would be on my list. but guess i was wrong. people here arent all perfect and nice. and its difficult trying to find my ground as being in the middle of the introvert-extrovert scale, determining who my friends are and where do i fit in most is relatively DIFFICULT! and the more i mix with people who are, i wouldnt say introvert but just generally more quiet than the rest, the more i become like them. its a good thing to be sensitive to other people's thoughts and feelings but i realized that i'm overdoing it and it becomes a burden to try to keep my mouth shut. and as time progresses, i just dont like talking anymore. and hence, i know i'm skewed to the more quiet side already and that makes people who are outgoing hard to interact with me. i know that's not a good thing and i'm still trying to establish my grounds. 

Personality is a HUGE problem for me. partly cause i'm in the middle of the scale, so i can skew to the right or to the left and that makes things worse. i dont even know what is ME and what is NOT ME. what i like and what i dont like, what i can accept and what i cant accept, what i can take and what i cant. seriously, its scary. and Arvin just made things worse when he refuses to tell me what i did that made him say i cant live up to his expectations. not to mention that i never had expectations of him, and he shouldnt expect anything outta me, but since he did, i wanna know WHAT TO FIX! and not just someone coming  to me saying he/she is disappointed with me cause i didnt or couldnt  live up to expectations (i dont even know what wrong i did) 

A good friend is someone who would reprimand and correct me when i go wrong. like Eunice. she tells me when she thinks i'm acting inappropriately or when i'm not giving emphasis on something i should, and thats why i like her. and why cant Arvin do the same? i dont think seeing someone not being able to sleep, just keep thinking about things like this, especially NEAR FORMATIVES TEST! is pleasing to him. but seriously, its what i deserve to know and he should tell it to me. 

and what happens whenever there is a problem? i feel like running away. i wanna go home. i am seriously HOME_SICK! i just wanna be with my bed and my keyboard and most importantly, my family and my cat. everything familiar. going to klang certainly does not and will not help me ease anything, because everything is just as unfamiliar and foreign as here. One more week till i go back and hopefully i can hold up for another week and for my exams!

sorry for sounding so frustrated. but thats how it is waiting for the next class feeling like this is. Medicine is already a tough course with so much to study and so much details with so much to understand and apply, so i really dont need additional problems to add on to my stress. if only i can train my brain to not think of any of those things that will so GREATLY affect my concentration and my emotions. i really need to GEAR UP! and yah thats what i'll do. Strength from above. 

A prayer of faith: 

Lord i believe You will give me strength to go through this, everything that i need to do i will do it well, everything that i need to say, i will deliver it well and everything that i need to brush it off, i will do it well. thank you Lord for giving me the ability to do this. 

I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me Phillipians 4:13 

Amen.

 

Future secured

Thank God for His grace that i managed to pass to interviews to gain an entry into Perdana University! 2 interviews! i dont do well during interviews at all! its really His love that sees me through :)

so yeah, doing some relaxing at home now that i have the chance to sit back and relax. till the end of my career i guess. so, catching up with all my novels, movies, keyboard especially! i missed it so much! it feels good to be able to play it again!

So, getting ready for university is an exciting thing to do. full of anticipation!

Wish me all the best for the next 5 years!